Stuff by Steve

Spider-Man 3
First in our long list of “three-quels,” we have the cautiously anticipated next episode of the recent “Spider-Man” series. Like many others, I have quite a few questions. Does Harry finally turn completely to the Dark Side? Do Peter and Mary Jane stand a chance together? Will Uncle Ben look older even though he’s just a figment of Peter’s imagination? And, most importantly, will the movie be any good? The danger is that the awe has worn off - we are no longer amazed by the Spider-Man. Hopefully, writer/director Sam Raimi can pull together a solid story to compensate for the loss of novelty. At the very least, we can expect the usual superhero angst as Peter Parker is torn between being a hero and, well, being something else.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End
Popular opinion seems to show that this three-quel is the one audiences are most looking forward to. I think Disney is counting on this, and they have cleverly set the release date exactly three weeks after “Spider-Man 3.” As you may know, the blockbuster-makers gauge their own success by the ticket take at the end of the day (or opening weekend, or opening week, or number of consecutive weeks as the highest grossing movie, etc.). Perhaps the effort that they put into winning the box office sales will result in a good movie at the same time. Or perhaps not. Either way, seeing Keith Richards on the big screen will be interesting (and the smart money says “scary,” too, although I suppose they could make him look like anything these days).

Shrek the Third
You know, I wasn’t fond of the first “Shrek,” but I warmed up to the second one. The opposite of “Spider-Man,” I didn’t really jive with the gimmicks of the fairy tale spoof (yes, it was funny, but just a bit off-putting). The second movie had an engaging story that was interesting to watch, and I found the chemistry between Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy to be more mature and substantive. With this third installment, I could take it or leave it, but I do expect to be pleased with it. I just hope they don’t put Simon Cowell back in the DVD extras. That was awful. What? It was just me?

Ocean’s Thirteen
Yes, another three-quel. The writers seem to have smartened up and solidified the trio of Clooney, Pitt, and Damon, which was the best part of Part 2. I see Damon’s character becoming more mature, which could backfire, since his boyish charm was the clincher. As with the previously mentioned movies, this one follows a sequel that I considered to have surpassed its original. Let’s talk about that for a minute - here we have four movie franchises that have defied the “sequel-itis” phenomenon (the trend of the second movie being a terrible, rehashed version of the first). Not so with these, as they all seemed to come of age with the second go-around. While I am happy to have had such splendid movie-going experiences, I believe we are in dangerous territory. It used to be fine when audiences expected sequels to be bad, but the aforementioned audiences have been pampered lately. My honest fear is that the momentum will falter and dash our high expectations four times over. If the new Star Wars is any indication, my fear will be realized.

The Bourne Ultimatum
Personally, this is the three-quel that I am most anticipating this summer. I felt that the first two movies were both great, being different enough that they could not be directly compared (or criticized), and being similar enough that they shared the same thinking-man’s action motif. I fully expect that this tertiary effort (how’s that for sagacious turgidity?) to be as thrilling, exciting, and just plain entertaining as the others. Plus, there was a time when I was told that I bore a resemblance to Matt Damon. Did I ever grace you with the story about that summer day at Universal Studios in Hollywood?

Rush Hour 3
Okay, for our last three-quel we have one more movie that follows a sequel that was not markedly worse than the first. Perhaps I am given this impression because of the dubious nature of comedies (yes, it’s also an action flick) to defy critical inspection. I believe that comedies tend to be “above the law” in regards to criticism, simply because they don’t conform to regular dramatic rules. This is why we may never see a comedy win Best Picture at the Oscars. Anyway, more Jackie Chan is always a good thing, as is Chris Tucker (but with him, only a little more). Chan’s only got a few years left, so here’s hoping he makes them count.

Live Free or Die Hard
Okay, now we are getting ridiculous. Can I call this one a “four-quel?” I enjoyed the Die Hard series, but the concept is getting old. Heck, Bruce Willis is getting old (he did the other three back in the day when sequels sucked and the third movie was better). He has even stated that this is the last one, since his body couldn’t hack any more of those stunts. But don’t discount computer graphics - the day is coming that the actors sign away their likenesses to avoid having to act on screen. How else are they going to film Indiana Jones IV?

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Okay, even though this one has “four” in the title, don’t let that confuse you. This one is a pure #2 sequel. And a better movie it should be, since the topping the first one will be no difficult challenge. Again, good for movie-goers in the short term, bad in the long term. Although, I shouldn’t predict success too hastily; I’m just not sure that the overall concept is strong enough to turn out a good movie. Actually, it is, which was proved by “The Incredibles” (like Fantastic Four, it had a strong hero, a stretchy hero, a fast hero, and an invisible hero that could generate force fields). Perhaps the weakness lies with who is actually making the film. Hmmm, I might be on to something there. Oh, and be prepared to see Jessica Alba’s new, horrifically emaciated, anorexic body.

Alien vs. Predator: AVP2
All I can say is, yay! Bring on the cheesy, badly-acted monster movie sequel! In this case being better or worse than the original doesn’t matter too much. It still matters a little bit, though - anyone who has seen Alien Resurrection (#4 in its series) can attest that that one ruined it for all the rest of the bad monster movies out there. I’m not sure where they have left to go with the plot, however. I expect little attention will be paid to the canon set out by the first Alien and Predator movies in favour of a highly derivative story that relies heavily on a contrived shocking premise and miles of dark corridors. With any luck they will use the story from the much-adored-by-nerds graphic novel, but I doubt that anyone calling the shots in here is looking to produce anything so high-concept.

Transformers
Okay, what’s better than “Yay?” How about, woohoo!! I have loved the Transformers from the original poorly drawn Saturday morning cartoons. Now we have a live action version, and it’s not “Robot Jocks.” The trailers make it look amazing, but the red flag is Michael Bay (”Bad Boys I & II,” “Armageddon,” “Pearl Harbor”). On the plus side, since we’re name dropping, Peter Cullen voices Optimus Prime, as he did back in the day. Shia LaBeouf (who?) also stars, which will give everyone a chance to see the relatively-unknown-but-much-talked-about actor that is slated to appear prominently in “Indiana Jones IV” (next to an all-digital Harrison Ford). More trivia: the by-line, “Their War. Our World,” was originally from the similarly-themed “AVP: Alien vs. Predator,” until they changed it to “Whoever wins…we lose.”

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Which one is this again? Five? I have not seen any of the others; my impression is that of pulp film - cheap and insubstantial. Apparently they are pretty good, but I’ve got a limit to the amount of fantasy-themed movies I can take in, and “Pan’s Labyrinth” is still on my list. Actually, so is “Reign of Fire.”

The Simpsons Movie
You know, I appreciate “The Simpsons” and what the show has done for irreverent comedy, but after 19 seasons do we really need a movie? Or, perhaps, it’s about time. I can’t decide. I was about to say that this is one of the few summer blockbusters that will not be a sequel, but I’ve changed my mind. This one takes the cake as being the four-hundred-and-something-th entry in “The Simpsons” catalogue.

Nancy Drew
Last-but-not-least, we have a modern day film version of the beloved series of children’s mystery novels. It’s been a long time since Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson gave us “The Hardy Boys” on TV. If they can keep the innocence of the post-wartime Nancy Drew stories by H.S. Adams, I’ll be happy. Well, doubly happy, because I love a good mystery.

Looking for “Lucky You,” “The Hoax,” and “TMNT?” They got tagged and bagged in my Winter Movie Preview 2007.