Stuff by Steve

It’s finally time to write my “big three” summer blockbuster reviews: “Pirates,” “Superman,” and “X-Men.” I have procrastinated doing this, being a bit daunted by the task of summarizing three major films. But they are out on DVD now and if I don’t get on it, well, it will only further entrench my reputation of lameness.

For these three movies I will write each review individually, but be sure to catch all of them for the big picture (ha ha).

Synopsis: The second installment of the recent “Pirates of the Caribbean” series of feature films. This week: Government corruption targets Will and Elizabeth right before their wedding ceremony and the mythical lord-of-the-sea Davy Jones tracks down Jack Sparrow to settle some old business.

The thing I like the most about the recent “Pirates” series is the style; it seems to perfectly blend the enchantment of Disney’s Magic Kingdom attraction with big-budget Hollywood production values. A large part of that is owed to Johnny Depp who, with his rendition of the quirky pirate Jack Sparrow, singlehandedly provides the heart of the “Pirates” mythos on the screen. So much so, in fact, that they have added animatronic likenesses of Depp (pretty convincing ones, too) to the “Pirates” ride in Disneyland (et al). I find this amusing, considering that Orlando Bloom is allegedly the hunk. Anyway, style alone cannot hold a movie together. That is unfortunate, since this movie really needed something to hold it together. I found the whole thing to be just a bit too… much. Too over-the-top, too many bad guys, too many close calls, too many love triangles, and too many cliffhangers. Regarding the latter point, the ending is of the infuriating “to-be-continued” variety, where all of a sudden the credits roll and leave a great many questions unanswered. Be advised to prepare yourself for that empty, unresolved feeling, followed right after by treacherous thoughts for whomever put the release date of the next movie in May 2007. As for love triangles, I found it odd that the writers chose the course they did in this matter (I’ll leave out the details to spare the people who like surprises). I understand the need for sexual tension - every good movie about swashbuckling scoundrels needs a healthy dose of it (I call it the “Han Solo Rule”). And with Will and Elizabeth finally together, the original love interest is neatly tied up. So, what to do? They went the wrong way, in my opinion; it just seemed implausible. But what do I know about the heart of a woman? Having said all of that, almost everything else about this movie was a joy to watch. The characters were interesting enough and the computer-generated creatures were very believable. I found Davy Jones to be a bit on the un-evil side, though, probably due to his lisp. I just can’t take a guy (er, cephalopod) seriously who flutters his lips and slurs his “S” sounds. The Kraken, on the other hand, was quite fearsome, and I look forward to more undersea terror in the summer (Oooh, I just thought of a great idea for a monster movie!). Speaking of perils, the writers did a great job of coming up with unique and intriguing predicaments for the main characters. The story kept my attention throughout, and it was involved enough that I had to watch it a few times to catch everything. Some plot twists seemed a bit inexplicable, but I am giving the writers the benefit of the doubt that these loose ends will be tied up in the next movie. Overall, this was an enjoyable adventure romp and a more-or-less worthy sequel to boot (ha ha). I liked it enough to buy the DVD at full price, and it ended up being my favourite of the “big three” summer blockbusters in 2006.

See also:

Superman Returns
X-Men: The Last Stand